I realize now that perhaps last night's trouble sleeping might have been about today and meeting someone (a friend of a friend) who was taking me to Cortona.
Karen came by this morning and I hugged her hello (that's just me, but it was awkward for a moment).
We headed out to the Tuscany region and slowly but surely chatted along the way.
The first museum was an archeology one and I loved it! The pottery, the pieces of buildings, the tools, everything. It was 'my kind of thing' baby!
After an hour or so, it was close to 1pm and we were off to lunch. Karen picked a nice place she had been to before. I had the following: melon + prosciutto, thinly sliced pork, a mixed salad, a glass of local red wine, chocolate mousse and a double expresso. What a lovely meal. At one point Karen had to ask the waiter if there was flour in the dessert, as he walked over to the kitchen to ask we heard him say "Momma!" (I guess his mom is the cook) Karen and I had a chuckle over that one.
As we went back out into city center, the wind was wild and it was much cooler. It felt like a blustery November Vermont day.
We went into a church and I took some photos (FINALLY figured out how to set the camera to the museum mode of no flash) of small overlooked features, the animal heads on the chair arms, the man's face in a corner under a table.
We went to a small art museum with many religious paintings but once again I found myself attracted to figurines, chairs, the little details in the building.
We walked around for a little while and then went outside the city walls. I took some nice photos.
I felt a little 'sea sick' on the ride home. It reminded me of driving up mountains in Arizona, the road weaving back and forth, tight turns. I talked a lot and asked questions. By the end of the day there was a nice ease to our conversations.
I am glad that I brought along a small gift to give to her. She liked it very much, it was a perfumed oil, all natural, from the great co-op store in Hanover NH. (Home of Dartmouth College) It is one of my favorites called "Water Goddess". Karen liked it very much.
I am very tired.
The festival starts tonight. I hope to get a second wind. I don't feel like dressing up, so I won't.
Oh, this morning while deciding what to wear, I put on my nicer slacks and a printed top. Then I realized I wasn't comfortable...and I realized I was dressing 'for Karen' rather than myself. So I put on what I wanted to wear, nice jean capri pants, and a pretty white blouse with brass earrings. I felt instantly like "me". I am learning.
I was able to email a friend yesterday ( I call her Tink) while in an emotional place. I wasn't overcome with emotion, it was more of feeling spread too thin and lost at the same time.
I met Tink at a women's gathering (Daughters of the Earth, think pagan, think calm and mellow,think nature) and we hit it off immediately. We were both alone, first timers,came because we felt 'pulled' to go, both have 2 sons, both homeschool, both are Taurus, both are embarking on a new direction and journey in life. Nice, eh?
Anyway, my email to her was all of the place, but I hit the send button anyway. She replied and by the 2nd paragraph I knew I had done a good thing for myself. She knew where I was, she understood the feeling of being in an abyss, she 'got' me.
We have emailed since and both feel so lucky to have met each other and recognizing that we are helping each other on our paths.
Isn't that grand? I mean really, how lucky can I get?
This sabbatical to Italy has felt as though I am being carried, that doors are opening, people are helping, that I am on my way. Way to where? Unknown.
Perhaps when we let go, when we open up to all there is, a path is unveiled. It is never logical, it is never clear, it sure as hell isn't easy, but it is inspiring; knowing you are living a life that is beyond comprehension or explanation. It is like stepping off a cliff, not knowing how you will survive, accepting that you might die but doing it anyway. Then there appears, a ground, as if out of nowhere, just for you.
Joseph Campbell wrote about a native american saying: "In life you will come to chasm, jump, it isn't as wide as you think". I used to understand that quote. Now I've experienced its truth because I have jumped. It is a world of difference.
My definition of who I thought I was, was too small, too limited, too shallow, too individualized. I am much more than that, much more than I can even know. I will learn by doing, by living. It is taking shape in Italy.
The mythological realms of life are present, are eternal, if we allow ourselves to participate. That means doing things that make no sense, walking through fear doors, allowing ourselves the time to just BE with no production value attached or goal to reach.
I can only find one word to come close to what this feels like and that is 'grace'. Something that if it is asked for or grasped at, cannot be attained. It is rather a by-product of courage in the face of fear.
I wish us all a journey home to ourselves, that is kissed by grace and sprinkled with beauty.
Ciao, ciao
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