a soft rainy day

It was just what I needed, overcast and drizzly here and there.  Something about a rainy day that is cozy and relaxing.  It was easy to take it slow.  A wonderful day to read at the cafe too.

I am happy to report I actually went up to bed at 9pm.  I slept until after 7am.  I woke up a few times, loud trucks tearing down a building, well, it sounded like that anyway.

I was planning on a run this morning, but my heart wasn't in it, so I didn't.  Permission to follow my heart, yippee!

I went out to the market, but made a b-line for Bar Mary's for an espresso with a little milk, a machioti??  It was lovely as was the very friendly and kind woman who works there.  I must remember to ask her if I can take a photo of her before I leave.

I didn't buy too much at the market, cheese, grapes and a melon. I walked around for a while and then home as it was starting to rain harder.

I emailed my brother after grabbing a handful of those gorgeous grapes.

I was surprised how emotional it became as I discussed my feelings at the church on the hill.  It brought up issues of being woman in the American culture.  I was talking about temples and mother/goddess worship and how freeing that felt.  I have always found being a woman a disadvantage in some ways. There is a saying that goes like this: If God is a man, then men are god.

It was referring the unconscious psychological perspective of living in a Judeo-Christian culture.

I have felt the weight of being an Eve(the cause of sin), being the gender that had to fight (and starve) for the vote, being victims of sexual abuse, having our images sexualized, our work of raising children is equal to 'not working'.

I was overcome with the reality of how many tight ropes I have tied around myself.  The idea that that church was once a temple that honored the goddess, the sign of Venus (the pentagram) on the floor, it moved me on a deep level.

I can't explain it really, but I cried when I realized how closed off to myself I have become to the feminine.  I have been trying to hard to make it through using my intellect and be strong that I forgot how to be who and what I am, a woman.  Not that intellect and strength are not feminine, it is just that I've been out of touch with my nature and the tears today were a mixture of sadness and also joy, that I had found it again.

After that, I went for a walk with my Yeats bio.  I sat outside at the cafe on Garibaldi and read for over 2 hours.  I really love that book.  I do not want it to end, it is that much fun.  I always end up taking notes and today was no different.

When I needed a little break, I sat with my eyes closed, head leaning back on the wall, and arms over my head.  Ahhh...to just be.

Then, I starting writing in my journal about some pretty deep stuff.  For about 20 minutes, page after page and the visuals/metaphors were strong.  This had nothing to do with the topic this morning, this was other stuff.

Like I said, one day here is VERY Oddyssian. (Is that even a word?)

I wonder how much of this I can actually consciously process and take in.

I am glad I cancelled leading a workshop in upstate NY a few days after I get home, Oct 2.

After lunch, I went for another walk using Marjorie's umbrella.

I walked along the Tiber and came out near an industrial area.  I walked around and eventually saw the train station, so I knew exactly where I was.  But here is another one of those 'wow' moments:

The woman who owns this house only has one copy of a big key for this house.  She emailed and said she was unable to get a copy in the states.  So I go into the Ace Hardware-looking shop and ask about keys (ok, I POINT to the keys on the wall) and sure enough, I get a key made.  I come home and it works.

I feel I have had a very successful day just because of the key. I emailed her and she is thrilled.  Me too.

I have been looking up information online all evening about Venus, goddess temples, etc.

I knew a lot from my mythology studies, but I feel pulled to looking into the oldest goddesses. I saw some photos of figurines from 30,000 B.C.  It is amazing.  I have been busy reading about Etruscan history and Sumerian, etc.  I find it all fascinating.

I feel so incredibly lucky to be following my bliss here in Italy.  In the mono myth (the general storyline of myths and movies and books) there is a departure, changing experience, and a return.  I can relate to that cycle.  Here I am in a foreign land, I am changing and I will return to my home but I will not be the same person who left.  How could I be?

Here are some lines from the book today:

"Stilling all choice, the end of the ways is the same,
the incarnate is many, the discarnate is but one,
all flames are in the flame"


"But every powerful life goes on its way
Too blinded by the sight of the mind's eye
Too deafened by the cries out of the heart
Not to have staggering feet and groping hands"

I have things to share from my journal but I am not ready yet. They are so new, like little unprotected babies.

I'll get there...staggering feet and all.