found and lost

Again, I didn't sleep much…but I woke up around 6am and it was still dark.  Being away for a month, I am out of touch with things. 

It's almost October, sure it should be darker, but for me it's still Aug 31st when I left.

I decided to go for a run.  I had energy, it was early, I was awake.  It felt good to get on my running outfit and sneaks!

Off I went, from the hotel door towards the Popolo Piazza. There was hardly anyone out, except delivery guys. It was HUMID.

Running felt good, I passed the Spanish steps and kept going.  I got to the end and ran around the big Egyptian pencil thing and stared back.  I saw 2 other runners along the way.  

It was pretty cool to be running on empty streets of Roma.  I was never out of breath, the legs felt good, the feet are doing the best they can and I love them for it.

I stopped near the hotel and walked. I walked toward the Spanish steps.  There was one couple there and a man with a very professional-looking camera.

I ran up the stairs, (MOST of them, anyway)  On top I looked out as the day was breaking over Roma.  Then I said out loud, "Look at me ma, top of the world!"  (from an old James Cagney movie)

I felt great.  It was very muggy and not even 7am yet.  Not a good sign.

I stopped for a cappuccino at a neighborhood bar, lots of locals there.  

Today was my Galleria Borghese day.  I headed over early, getting there at 9am, for an 11am reservation.  I asked if there was room for me in the 9, but they were full.  (For the next 3 days)

I walked around, it is a BIG place.  Again, nothing is on a grid system.  There is no N S E  and W to hang onto.  I saw a lot of runners in the park.  I wanted to say to them, "Hey I ran this morning"  What does it matter anyway?  But I did want to tell them.  I had a great breakfast,  a bag of chips off a vendor.  Gluten-free living in Roma is tough!

I actually thought about not going into the museum.  It looked like a big fancy house, similar to houses in Newport RI.  But I walked around the beautiful grounds and soon it was almost 11am.

It was well worth the wait.  The sculptures were fabulous, lots of goddesses again.  The collection there is huge.  The rooms each have their own theme

One of them had a ceiling of the gods of olympus, it was really fun to look up and see them there, relaxing and seeming very human.

The sculptures that I was most taken by had no postcards or posters in the gift shop.  I have found museum giftshops pretty poor here and that is a big disappointment.  They don't' sell canvas bags with their logo either.  I 'll drop a line to the Italian division of Tourism.

I was taking a photo of myself in from of the galleria this morning and I realized I lost something…

I lost my smile.  

I think I haven't smiled genuinely since I was 16 or so. 

I don't know how to smile for a photo. Seriously, I tried and took a few photos, it was not there.

I have been hiding from cameras for years but I had no idea that I didn't know how to smile anymore.  I did a very big forced smile, to see if I still had it in me.  I could do that, but it was such overkill effort.  I didn't know how to get to a smile until I over did it and then relaxed a bit.

I am not kidding, I was sitting on a bench in from of this incredible house, smiling.  I got a photo of a genuine smile, ONE.  But that is one more than I have had in many, many  years so I was happy.

I thought about how I could of lost my smile.  When did that happen?  What have I been doing without a smile all these years?

When did I start FAKE smiling?  This was illuminating. I have smiled several times today when walking around.  It would be funny if someone was following me around watching me smile.

Practice makes perfect.

I rested at the hotel during the heat of the day.  I didn't nap though.  I decided to go back to the Palazzo Altemps so I could take photos of the goddesses that moved me so much yesterday.

I wash up and I'm ready to go.  It is NEVER easy to find your way around here, everyone has a map or book.  The street signage is poor.  Another note to those Italian tourist employees.  

NOTE TO SELF:  When going to a museum specifially to take photos, make sure the camera battery has been charged.   

Frustrating!!  After a few minutes of angst, I tell myself this is a good sign, I can just take in the sculptures.  I walk round and round, I can't find the room.  I go upstairs and walk around, no. I go back downstairs, no.  

It is not air condoned, it is muggy and warm, and I am losing my mind, I know there is a room with 2 huge goddess heads and the relief of Persephone/Aphrodite.

I talk to myself  "Calm down and take it easy".  I start of the first floor again, slowly go from room to room.  Then I go upstairs and do the same, there it is, the 4th room I go into.

I sit down (I was so grateful there was a bench) and look at this masterpiece.  I stayed for about 30 minutes.

I find my way back to Campo di Fiori so I can eat a cheap gluten-free meal at the kebab place.  Bingo!  I enjoyed that very much.

I am not sure what happened after that…I used my handy dandy map but I would get lost every 5 minutes. I couldn't seem to get my bearings at all.

At one point, I decide to sit on a step and relax a bit.  I do that for 15 minutes.  I see the Capital area, it is now dusk and I see a big moon (not full yet). 

I walkover.  There is a political gathering I think, middle eastern?  

I think I know where I am.  Lost again.  Then I find the capital ruins, I stare at that for a while.  The moon is pretty and there are people around, so I feel safe in the dark.

I cannot get my bearings, this is the first time is has happened since I've been in Roma.  I just seem backwards.  It is very busy, lots of traffic, lots of people and nothing is familiar.  I stop every 2 blocks to find myself on the map.  

I ask a waiter, he points me in a direction.  I see a couple (middle-aged australian I think) and they are lost too.  We smile at each other and he tells me he think Via Corso (the rd I am looking for) is around the corner.  I thank him, but when I get around the corner, there are 5 different way to go. I stand there staring at my map, really feeling as though I am going to cry now.  It's late, I'm exhausted and I have no clue where the hell I am.

That austrailan couple come by and tell me they found out where they are on the map and show me.  I thank them profusely. I walk.

After 3 blocks, I ask someone else.  I keep going.  I can't believe how far I was from where I thought.  I walk for what seems like an hour, but FINALLY I get close to my rd, Via Della Vite.  I think I'll get myself a gelato to celebrate, but I walk around looking for a shop and I can't find one, it is very busy out, and I've done far too much today.

It takes me a bit to find my road again.  I race up the stairs, I cannot wait to get into the a/c air and take a shower…oh and collapse too!

I didn't like feeling lost, it was scary.  It was a tough way to end the day.

I got lost several times today.  I found my way back.  

And I found a long lost part of me.  All in all, a great day!