Hispellum is

now known as Spello and today I took a tour with Karen today.  What a wonderful place.

I am running out of adjectives, how many times can I say and write beautiful, wonderful, magical, amazing, lovely, and breathtaking?

The day ended with a look at the mosaic floors of a villa uncovered 7 years ago when the town wanted to extend the public parking. (Karen was visiting that day that they uncovered the mosaic, imagine that?!

 Right there, in the midst of pavement, is a huge geometric tent.  I walked inside and the view of the floor, floored me.

Unbelievable, this huge villa and the majority of the floors are intact.  The huge center room with animals and men in each corner representing each of the four seasons.  They reminded me of elaborate rugs, with designs and symbols.  One of the floors is dark red (ochre?) and white swirls. There were 5 rooms, the center one about 30 ft x 24. (?)

The BEAUTY, the aesthetics, it is what I have been starving for all these years.  When I talked about coming to Italy a few months ago and wrote 'my dry bones', this is what I meant.

We took a tour of the town first, I saw the Augustus gate, the Venus gate, OLD walls, intricate walkways of different brick and stone.  Karen pointed out the renaissance buildings, the gothic buildings, and much more.  She is sweet and we share a love of history.

There was an exhibition of Constantino and I enjoyed seeing (and reading in English) an official stone edict (?) telling the people of Hispellum that he has changed the name of their town to his family's name and he is allowing them to have games and gladiator games every other year.  The wording of this 'document' was so manipulative, perfect political language-stressing how they are giving (granting) them what THEY want.  

It reminds me of the 'forced choice' idea, pick tow things and tell people they have FREE choice, to pick one.  The people think they have freedom and choice, but they didn't.  Gee, sort of like voting republican or democratic....ha, sorry that just popped in my head.

Karen and I have an easy rapport and spending the day together is easy and comfortable.  We had a light lunch outside of a small osteria (?). It was windy, but a had a lovely view.

Later in the afternoon we enjoyed a homemade gelato and an espresso.

She drove me to a small lake about 25 minutes away.  An oasis in the middle of the valley.

On the drive home I thanked Karen as honestly as I could.  I don't think she has any idea what an angel she has been to me.  Another special aspect to my time here.  As I looked out over at the city on the side of hill (Assisi), the setting sun in my eyes, the greens and golden/orangey hues, I could not wrap my mind around this being real.  I struggled with that 'this can't be real' feeling for a few moments, then just let go and enjoyed it.

There are times in our life that we don't need to understand or put things in order, all we need to do is keep breathing and let it wash over us, taking us to invisible, illogical, blissful places.

It was as though I were awake while dreaming.  I kid you not, I pinched each arm, that is how surreal it felt.

Italy (Umbria) is so BEAUTIFUL.  It overwhelms my senses, it fills me with a sense of dream, and I feel totally alive.  It honestly takes my breath away.

I told Karen I was so lucky, so fortunate and there was a part of me asking "Why me?"
and then I realized that there were plenty of times in the hospital when I thought "Why me?" too.

The answer is "Why not."  I accept it all.

How often we think of life as this external presence that deals us good cards or bad cards and we feel is beyond us to change the cards.  We learn to bluff, hoping we can trick our way out the crap we don't want, but we are wrong.

Life isn't an external presence, we are life.  It is a totality rather than a sense of being one person, living in our skin, and life being the environment we live in.

What if the boundary of our skin isn't a boundary at all?  We melt into the larger realm.  We become life and life becomes us.  A shift of perspective, of consciousness, changes the whole game.

We end up being much less of who we thought we were but oh, we gain so much more.

A dear friend who is a zen nun wrote to me this week "Just feel the wind, all the secrets are right there".

When I am I talking to her and I am upset or confused about something, she takes my hands in hers and tells me to look into her eyes.  I do.  She touches my hand and asks me if I feel it.  I say 'yes'.

She smiles and says "That's all there is".

I instantly relax and I can see her.  Our eyes meet and she says "There you are beautiful, everything is what it is".

Oh how I love spending time with OnShin, she is a rare person.  What a jewel.

I am realizing, right now as I type, what a spectacular life I have.  Sure I can make a list that would make most people pity me, but you know what?  I have much more than I ever imagined.

I am awake, I have 3 honest friends who I don't have to protect myself from,  and best yet, I KNOW how much grace is in life (and in me).

There is nothing more.  Nothing to understand, nothing to fight, nothing to explain, nothing to fear, nothing to wait for, nothing to hope for...it is now.  Now is all I have and I am here, right now.

(smile)