full moon...again

Today has been a mixed day…first off I woke up with a lot of pain.  I don't know if my illness is taking a turn for the worse or I am just pushing myself too much…maybe both.  It was a tough way to start the day.  

I am sort of in denial about it. Ugh, I really don't want to be thinking about this while in Italy.

I didn't know what to do this morning.  I was uneasy, uncomfortable.

After watching 'Curious George' dubbed in Italian on TV, I decided to go run.  I am not going to let illness turn me into a sick person.

So off I went.  I was able to run to Popolo, but I needed to stop and hang out there for 10 minutes.  I was able to run back.

Later, I went bak to the Pantheon. it was still early enough that the crowds weren't too bad.  I sat facing the statue of the woman with a goddess woman standing behind her with her hand on her shoulder.  I find it very moving, very symbolic.  I was there for a while.  I realized how tired I was too.  When I got up to stand, there was pain, pretty bad in my right hip.  I was very surprised and upset.  I walked slowly and it eased up.

With so much walking, I would think it would be healthy for me.  I don't want what is happening to me.  But that doesn't mean much, does it?

I headed over to Campo di Fiori, wondering if the market was better on Saturday.  Not really, although there was a vendor making fresh juices, orange and pomegranate.  I asked for a mix of both.  For 3 euro, it was the best deal I've had in Italy to date.  I enjoyed it very much.

The city was getting busier and busier, I was feeling drained.  I went back to the hotel around noon.  I wanted to take a nap, but a car alarm went off.  Then it stopped.  

Then it went off.  Then it stopped.

Yup, then if went off again.   This was turning into a frustrating day.

I got up and headed over to Borghese gardens, figuring on a hot day like this, sitting under a tree with a book was a good idea.

I was wrong.  This was the first time in a month that I missed the U.S.    I walked around looking or  a place to sit.  I walked over to the lake, but I was disappointed.  It is very small, not natural, and people rent row boats.    I kept walking.

Everything seemed to irritate me today.  The couples hanging all over each other, the kids being noisy, the tourists taking pictures of everything and being rude and loud.  

I wanted to find a comfortable place to relax.  

After sitting under a tree and not feeling comfortable, I decided to go sit on a long arch shaped bench near a small empty temple.

I laid down on that and wrote:

29th day wow.  I'm ready to go home. That's good to say and feel.  FUll moon tonight. 
Full lunar cycle, this journey.

I got to Italy on a Blue moon (Aug 31st) and now it's Harvest Moon...oh mythological symbols!

I'm tired. It would have been nice to sleep, but that car alarm. 

Rome is everything, every place is…fantastic, boring, beautiful, disturbing.  For every coin has 2 sides.

I like it in the morning, it is quiet and empty.  Running through it, like it is just for me.

I miss the geography of the Northeast America.  The grass, the parks.  

It is much cooler now with the breeze. Off-season Rome better, November?

I keep asking myself, 'What's wrong?'.  Seeing couples is hard, the hugs the kisses the affection.

I will just be affectionate toward everyone I know when I get back..

I don't know what these couples have going for them. I see that women are very concerned about looks.  

Are we selling ourselves?  Is it all for looks?

Is it, get a man at all costs and hang on?

Is it real?  What's real?

I have learned how to smile. 

There is A LOT of beauty and ancient things in the world. 

I like and appreciate who I am.

In my next relationship I know what I have to offer.

 I am not free, not apologizing, not playing it safe, not playing small.

I have been on my own for a month.  I have a mother, brother, 2 sons, an ex-husband, and a few friends.

It's okay for me to dress how I like.  I LIKE classic lines, clothes.  I can be sensual.  I can fully inhabit my space.

I put my notebook away and just relaxed there, on my back, for about an hour.  I might of drifted off into a light sleep at one point. 

I am surprised that all of a sudden I am ready to go home.  'Boom', just like that.  Maybe it is the full moon.  The cycle is complete.

What I need to do now, I need to do in my life.  

I am so very lucky to have had this time.  It has been much more than I imagined possible. 

I am as happy about going home as I was about coming here.  I think that is a good sign.

Now I am going to go out and look at the moon.  "LA BELLA LUNA"